My First Blog Post

Gracefully Broken

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

October 17, 2019 

Gracefully Broken

Never in a million years would I have ever pictured my life to turn out the way it did! Just a year in a half ago I was married to my high school best friend with two beautiful children, but  boy did I experience a whirlwind. By the end of 2017 I noticed that we no longer had the bond or connection that we’ve always had. At this point I was diagnosed with clinical depression, struggling with my weight and had no energy or desire to even give my marriage the chance to survive. However, I knew I was also afraid to lose my husband, the life we built together, what I was used to and my normalcy. At 33 I thought who is going to want me? I didn’t sign up to be a single mom and how will I make it without him. We begin to have all of these “talks” which never really led to any resolve. Marriage counseling didn’t even work because at one point I noticed I was the only one putting forth effort.  As a result, I begin to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for life without my husband.  

For some reason neither one of us wanted to make the move towards asking for a divorce. Eventually we decided to  do a trial separation and it was during the separation that I accepted what was and built up the courage to discuss the option of divorce.  I was going throuuuuuuugh it! I was battling with my mom’s illness, helping to take care of my father, stressed at work and preparing myself to live a life without the only man that I ever truly loved! Throughout this process, I was literally having breakdowns at work in the bathroom, coming home and only having enough energy to feed and bathe my children. I was emotionally disconnected from everyone!  I was heartbroken, bitter and even more depressed. In the midst of all of this I found out the man I loved had a whole girlfriend on the side (for two years during our marriage). I was angry, not sleeping and full of anxiety. I felt like the devil was just busy! I was lost and didn’t know where to turn; I was literally spiraling. One day I was listening to a pastor talk and his message was about how 2019 was going to be so powerful and great for everyone.  Simultaneously I was offered a promotion at my job, which meant more responsibilities, a great career opportunity and more financial gains for myself and my children. I suddenly realized that when I thought the devil was so busy destroying my life in 2017 & 2018, it was actually God disrupting my life to prepare me for something greater! I realized my husband wasn’t meant to move with me into my new season and that in order for me to receive this message God needed to break my heart in order to save my soul. I had become too complacent with being the “down to ride to the very end” wife and  also lost myself in being a mother. I accepted the fact that I was chosen to be gracefully broken! 

Unknown Author: 

“There are some people who will be content just “being” but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be “broken”. We have to get sick. We have to lose a job. We have to go through divorce. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created.”

Published by Renee

Who can really capture who they are in a brief summary? I'm a mother, an educator and a woman that's breaking generational curses. Those who know me would say I'm honest, genuine, and a little bit of an introvert. I'm big on integrity, so I hold true to the importance of being yourself and being straightforward. As I've matured as a woman, I've learned that many of the obstacles I faced stripped me of my voice and for so many years I was held hostage to my past. I'm currently walking into this next chapter of my life no longer afraid to speak my truth and share what healing has done for me. A wise woman once told me that all that I went through was my destiny and most importantly to help others, she said, "baby it's not about you." I didn't understand it at the time, but I've accepted the challenge of going from the wounded to the healer.

15 thoughts on “My First Blog Post

  1. I almost have no words but I will say it takes a helluva woman to share her go through. Im so proud to say I know you are an amazing woman and that God has a special calling on ya life. Love you and thanks for sharing.

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  2. As I read your story my eyes filled with water my heart was very heavy. But as I continue to read I take my hat off too you. Always remember God don’t take us too we’re he can’t take us through. He’s an awesome God. Thanks for sharing . I know I raised a tough Cookie

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  3. My sister…. your amazing…. you always have been…I hope the world is ready for you because God is setting up to be a blessing to help others get through the same things you have experienced. I cant wait yo keep reading so hurry up and keep blogging!

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  4. I think we need a Podcast from this beautiful resilient woman! You are now a form of therapy for those who are going through it. You ripped your heart open for us and created a safe space to talk through our issues; free of judgement and full of love. From all us (your new fans) Thank you mama!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. God does all things well, and he always sends a ram in the bush. Thanks for being my Ram. When life comes back full circle it’s evident. Your journey is just beginning, proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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