Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
October 17, 2019
Never in a million years would I have ever pictured my life to turn out the way it did! Just a year in a half ago I was married to my high school best friend with two beautiful children, but boy did I experience a whirlwind. By the end of 2017 I noticed that we no longer had the bond or connection that we’ve always had. At this point I was diagnosed with clinical depression, struggling with my weight and had no energy or desire to even give my marriage the chance to survive. However, I knew I was also afraid to lose my husband, the life we built together, what I was used to and my normalcy. At 33 I thought who is going to want me? I didn’t sign up to be a single mom and how will I make it without him. We begin to have all of these “talks” which never really led to any resolve. Marriage counseling didn’t even work because at one point I noticed I was the only one putting forth effort. As a result, I begin to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for life without my husband.
For some reason neither one of us wanted to make the move towards asking for a divorce. Eventually we decided to do a trial separation and it was during the separation that I accepted what was and built up the courage to discuss the option of divorce. I was going throuuuuuuugh it! I was battling with my mom’s illness, helping to take care of my father, stressed at work and preparing myself to live a life without the only man that I ever truly loved! Throughout this process, I was literally having breakdowns at work in the bathroom, coming home and only having enough energy to feed and bathe my children. I was emotionally disconnected from everyone! I was heartbroken, bitter and even more depressed. In the midst of all of this I found out the man I loved had a whole girlfriend on the side (for two years during our marriage). I was angry, not sleeping and full of anxiety. I felt like the devil was just busy! I was lost and didn’t know where to turn; I was literally spiraling. One day I was listening to a pastor talk and his message was about how 2019 was going to be so powerful and great for everyone. Simultaneously I was offered a promotion at my job, which meant more responsibilities, a great career opportunity and more financial gains for myself and my children. I suddenly realized that when I thought the devil was so busy destroying my life in 2017 & 2018, it was actually God disrupting my life to prepare me for something greater! I realized my husband wasn’t meant to move with me into my new season and that in order for me to receive this message God needed to break my heart in order to save my soul. I had become too complacent with being the “down to ride to the very end” wife and also lost myself in being a mother. I accepted the fact that I was chosen to be gracefully broken!
“There are some people who will be content just “being” but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be “broken”. We have to get sick. We have to lose a job. We have to go through divorce. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created.”