My ex and I were the perfect love story, so I thought. We were best friends since 9th grade, we talked about everything. He knew my secrets and I knew his. I’m talking about deep; he was one of the first of the few people who knew the guy I was seeing back in high school was laying hands on me. He’s actually one of the reasons why I left that relationship. Well once high school was over, everyone went on with their lives but one thing remained was our friendship, in fact we both developed feelings for one another but I think we were afraid to ruin the bond we already had. Long story short my senior year in college we started dating and our bond grew thicker. With him I was able to let my guard down and be myself. We had history and it only made sense right? Wrong!
History is what actually kept me in this toxic relationship way too long! While there wasn’t abuse or anything like that, I ignored all the toxicity early on in the relationship when I should’ve left. I’ve heard older women say once a cheater, always a cheater so don’t allow it. But is it something that you really allow? Who really would allow something like that? I think for many women and men who are faced with infidelity you chose to get through it for many different reasons. When it first happened in our relationship, I’m going to be honest I was a young hot head and felt like I’m not allowing another chick to mess up what I had going on. Yes I was hurt, but I felt like we’ve been together all of this time why would I leave now? I think that was the worst decision of my life, as I never took the time to heal that hurt nor did I make my ex work hard enough to earn my trust back. I think from then on I never really trusted him, but I just adopted the motto, “a man will be a man so let him be.” It made sense to me then but as I got older and later on in our relationship I knew if it happened again I was wiser and not going to tolerate it. So when the signs started appearing again , I didn’t go fishing to seek the answers, but I knew what’s done in the dark eventually comes to light. I pretty much let him dig his own grave; he was never great at lying or being discreet. Cheating wasn’t the only toxic issue I swept under the rug, others I’ll write about later on.
I allowed a lot of BS and because of that I almost became numb to a lot. I’ve always been strong and I’m not going to lie my sharp tongue has always been the most vicious weapon ever; a toxic trait of mine that I’m not proud of. However, having my first daughter changed my perspective and matured me as a woman in more ways than one. In contrast, it also made me put up with stuff I would’ve never allowed. I thought my main priority was my daughter and making sure she grew up with both parents in the home, happily married and in love. That is how children learn about love, right?
By the time I had my second daughter, I no longer felt like myself and I was simply allowing stuff because I was afraid. I was afraid to break up the family my kids had (that most kids didn’t), and I was afraid to let go of all the history my ex and I shared. Not too many people get to marry and create a family with their best friend. I knew that once we separated not only would I be letting go of my husband but I’d also be letting go of our friendship that I valued more than anything in the world . It wasn’t easy but I had come to the conclusion that the man I grew to love wasn’t the man that stood before me. I wasn’t alone, yet I was feeling lonely as heck! We were growing in two different directions and I needed to love me more! I soaked up the lessons from my past and was ready to leave our history behind. I shifted my focus from what was and began focusing on me!
Author: Steve Maraboli “Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”