Falling in love can be one of the most daunting experiences ever but simultaneously, it can also be amazing. Imagine what this feels like when you fall in love with yourself. It’s definitely a feeling of bliss, but falling in love with yourself doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, you have to wake up every day and make a conscious decision to choose you and love yourself daily.
After my ex and I separated I was devastated! While, I didn’t want to be in that marriage anymore, I don’t think I was content with it ending. I know that sounds crazy and makes no sense at all, but the reality is when you’re in a relationship with someone for so long you become dependent on them. We were best friends since high school, shared a lot of experiences together and had two kids who would also be affected by our split.
I was struggling to cope, my heart was broken and I truly felt like I would die from a broken heart. That may not sound logical, but “Broken Heart Syndrome” is a real thing. In fact, women are more likely to be affected by this then men; due to a sudden emotionally stressful event (divorce, a breakup, or loss of a loved one). I couldn’t eat, barely slept and was mentally checked out. I wasn’t living, I was simply existing and in a state of survival mode. Living in this state is unstable and brutally dangerous. I felt like because I went from being a married wife to being a single mother I didn’t have time to feel or process my emotions. My motto was, “I have two daughters who need me to be strong for them, being weak is not an option.” As a result, I went on for months without processing my feelings about my separation, but truthfully told I was dying, slowly from a broken heart.
I didn’t start processing my emotions and mending my brokenness until my sessions with my divorce coach. My first step in getting through it was to go through it. Let me repeat that for you, in an effort to get over my broken heart I had to go through the emotions and process everything I was feeling. This meant talking about it, writing about it and sometimes crying about it. The best gem I can give to anyone going through this is to feel it and sit in it, but don’t stay stuck in it. Once you get through it, you’ll come out stronger. I promise there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel!
Dealing with the pain, rather than ignoring it allowed me to do something I couldn’t imagine, I detached from my ex romantically and emotionally. I stopped communicating about us, and although it was painful, that also meant not only would I be divorcing my husband but I had to divorce my best friend. Once I made peace with that, our communication became easier and the level of independence that I gained was not only liberating, but also empowering. To be clear, I’ve always been independent but this new found independence meant I learned to become my own best friend, and make myself happy. Sometimes we get so caught up in our love for our significant other and how they make us feel that we become dependent on that connection. We’re not taught that it’s actually our job to make ourselves happy and to love on ourselves.
I started loving me so much, that I snatched my power back and remembered who I was. I am smart, beautiful, a great friend, an amazing mother and a phenomenal woman! My self-esteem increased and the way in which I valued myself went from zero to ten. Back when my ex and I first separated I was afraid to be alone so much that when it was his time with our children I lost my mind and would fall apart. I didn’t know how to be happy and felt worthless without being a wife and not having my kids around to need me. Now I appreciate the time to myself as it gives me an opportunity to meditate, read, write, self-reflect, date me, try out new things and work on goals I’ve always had but never followed through on.
The other big step I took towards mending my broken heart was forgiveness. There’s no greater power you can have over your life than forgiving someone who has wronged you. I haven’t had the opportunity to thank my ex yet, as our conversations are usually brief and about our kids but if I could say anything to him it would be thank you! Thank you for breaking my heart, because it didn’t destroy me, it awakened this new found strength that was hiding within. That pain fueled my passion and resilience to love myself so great that I now know my worth. I truly like the woman I’ve become and most importantly, I know what being in love truly feels like!
I’d like to challenge everyone to devote 2020 to loving you, and falling deeply in love with who you are. Fall in love with yourself so much that you are committed to your happiness without feeling guilty about it. I encourage you to look in the mirror way past the physical and if there’s something you don’t like about you remember that only you have the power to change it. Don’t wait, start now!
Author: Robert Morley
“To Fall in Love With Yourself is the First Secret to Happiness.”