It’s that time of year again!
While everyone is getting ready to step into 2020 and bid farewell to 2019, it’s also time for the year-end festivities that many will partake in. For most, it’s about their fashionable, dressed to impressed outfits that will make them look good, but for some it’s also about that eye candy they’ll be sporting on their arms when they step into the party! If you’re single like myself then you may be experiencing a little apprehension about going into a new year without a mate!
Unfortunately, many people are finding themselves uncomfortable with being the single friend; longing for the love their friends or others around them may be experiencing, especially during the holidays. Sitting at The New Year’s Eve party observing all the couples booed up, scrolling through social media and reading “couples goals” hashtags may have you in a bit of a frenzy but let’s be perfectly clear, all that glitters sure isn’t gold! I want to remind you that being single is not a crime, so you certainly shouldn’t rush or feel like you’re missing out on something. Whether you’re newly divorced or single, I know what that feeling of loneliness and awkwardness feels like, but I also know that it isn’t the end all be all.
When I initially became a divorcee, not only did I feel lonely, I felt out of place and that things I did as a married woman (attending weddings, other social events or being around friends who were couples) I couldn’t possibly do as a single woman. I didn’t want to be faced with the stares, questions or judgment about being newly divorced or single. As a result, I turned down many invites and avoided many events for fear of being ostracised. While part of it was me being dramatic, I knew there was a handful of people still questioning “what happened?” “is she dating?” or “why is she still single?” Those were the questions I wanted to avoid at all costs!
Once I started enjoying my own company, and doing things that simply made me happy I fell in love with myself and began to realize that being single didn’t make me inadequate! In fact, it meant that although my marriage didn’t work, I didn’t have to jump right into the dating scene to make me feel desirable or whole. After being with one person for so long, I almost didn’t know who I was as a woman. This meant I couldn’t seek anything from a man, unless I worked on me! Once I started accepting that being a divorcee was my new normal, I started creating new routines (especially during holidays), learning what it meant to enjoy my own company and to live for myself.
If right now you are stuck between a rock and a hard place and feeling some sort of way because you’re single, always remember that you are your own person and should not be defined by a mate. I myself, had to realize this and it wasn’t until I started embracing my singleness that I was able to accept my new normalcy. It wasn’t easy but I used the following as my blueprint:
- Don’t rush into a situationship or relationship for fear of being alone or out of desperation; instead take yourself on dates, journal, workout or meditate.
- Become self-aware and do what sets your soul on fire, create some goals and work on fulfilling them.
- Learn to love yourself and be okay with where life has brought you; everything happens for a reason!
- Understand it is your job to make yourself feel purposeful, adding a mate to the mix should be the icing on the cake, not the batter!
- If you’re not privy to it, discover your love language. It will be beneficial when you do eventually decide to date: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
- Lastly, don’t allow that failed marriage or relationship to make you bitter or closed off to the possibility of loving again. Although my marriage ended, I know now that what I thought was my forever was only my temporary. I still believe in love and know that in time, I will love again and find my forever!
“If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from within not from a man or a woman.”