This past weekend a video surfaced and went viral, showing a world-famous boxer whom I won’t name, grabbing and aggressively walking the mother of his child out of a basketball game. Many news outlets called this event an altercation (which is defined as two parties involved in a verbal or physical confrontation), however in the video you can clearly see very little time passes before this escalates to actual physical aggression inflicted only upon the female. The boxer swoops in, screams in his ex’s face, grabs her by the collar and escorts her out as if she is his property. Since then, he has turned himself in making the claim that, “although he was behaving aggressively, he didn’t hit her.” However, no matter how it is described, it’s abuse! Unfortunately, no one intervened to stop him, and his child’s mother doesn’t even fight back or try to stop him. This is a clear indication that, people have become accustomed to “minding their own business,” and this “aggression” is nothing new to her because she’s either become 1) immune and numb to it or 2) embarrassed and too afraid to fight back. How can I tell? Because at one point in my life I was her!
While I won’t go into too many details about my relationship prior to my ex-husband, I will say that it was the most toxic relationship that I’ve ever experienced and will ever allow myself to experience. It started out as possessiveness and verbal abuse that ultimately led to physical acts of aggression and physical abuse. I’ve always prided myself on being strong willed, independent and assertive but understand love can make us do some crazy things, especially allowing our abuser to get into our heads, making us think they love us and that their abuse is justified. For many victims of abuse it’s a real thing to go through denial and keep taking it and taking it before something drastic or life changing happens. In my case it was almost having the life choked out of me while pregnant, and eventually suffering a miscarriage.
I can’t explain what allowed me to stay stuck for 5 years, hide my black eyes and other marks, but I know that what I experienced opened my eyes to what I needed to do. While babies are blessings, I know for a fact it was that miscarriage I experienced that gave me my out to get away. That was God’s way of breaking a cycle to save my life. When the video surfaced this weekend it triggered me in so many ways. Domestic abuse comes in many forms; physical, sexual, psychological and/or emotional. Getting out of it, speaking up and seeking help is essential, as the lasting effects can be tumultuous. I know because these effects heavily manifested themselves in my marriage. Victims experiencing any form should know it’s NEVER okay!
“Abuse is not love, Abuse is about control.”