From Bitter to Better: Fixing Your Own Toxicity

By the time my ex and I had decided to divorce I had already mentally and emotionally checked out of the marriage. So for me divorce was  the next thing to do; counseling and talking didn’t work so why stay stuck in an unhappy place? I was good with the idea of an amicable divorce, and starting our next journey of a peaceful, co-parenting friendship. However, once I found out about the infidelity I was not only hurt but I was angry and felt betrayed.  I was ready to make my ex’s life a living hell! I was definitely ready to pull a Jazmine Sullivan and bust the windows out of his car! I felt like I had sacrificed so much for my marriage so he needed to hurt like I hurt. My brain became consumed with so many negative thoughts which ultimately turned into bitterness. 

Even though I wanted my ex to feel the pain I felt, I didn’t realize that the one person I was hurting the most by being bitter was  myself. If there’s any emotion to be feared it’s bitterness; it’s like a drug or a cancer and will eat away at your soul! If you’ve ever been here then I’m sure you know what this feels like. Our hearts are like gardens and the emotions and thoughts we plant will eventually grow and manifest in negative ways.  At one point in all of our lives there will be someone or something that will cause bitterness to take root and grow in our hearts, but until we cut those weeds we’ll only be harming ourselves. 

Whether we like it or not, life happens and unfortunately we are not and can never be responsible for someone’s actions or the trials that life will throw at us. However, what we can control is our own toxicity (yes, being bitter is toxic). We have the power to control how we choose to deal with the trials and the pain inflicted upon us!

Once I became real with myself, and admitted I needed to work on my brokenness, bitterness and toxicity I became much happier, and my blessings started to overflow.

The following helped me, hopefully it can help you too: 

  1. Understand that you’re human, give yourself permission to feel, grow and heal from your hurt and bitterness.  
  1. Know that aside from all the negativity, there’s some great things or great people in your life. Find solace and gratitude in the things or people who are positive entities in your life. 
  1. Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone for self-care or for a much needed reset! 
  1. Understand that not everyone can heal on their own, seek professional help if needed. 
  1. Whenever those negative thoughts or feelings resurface, contemplate on how far you’ve come and make a list of reasons why your healing matters! 

Renee_theblogger_: Bitterness is like a drug or a cancerous tumor. Once it takes root, it will eventually spread like a wildfire and eat away at your soul. As soon as you feel the bitterness spreading, uproot it and sow the seeds of something more positive.

Published by Renee

Who can really capture who they are in a brief summary? I'm a mother, an educator and a woman that's breaking generational curses. Those who know me would say I'm honest, genuine, and a little bit of an introvert. I'm big on integrity, so I hold true to the importance of being yourself and being straightforward. As I've matured as a woman, I've learned that many of the obstacles I faced stripped me of my voice and for so many years I was held hostage to my past. I'm currently walking into this next chapter of my life no longer afraid to speak my truth and share what healing has done for me. A wise woman once told me that all that I went through was my destiny and most importantly to help others, she said, "baby it's not about you." I didn't understand it at the time, but I've accepted the challenge of going from the wounded to the healer.

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