Why do some people settle?
When we envision what we want in a partner, we often think about and list the qualities that we truly desire in a mate, but how often do you list the qualities that you have to offer, or at least think about them? You may have read that and thought why on Earth do I need to list the qualities I have to offer when I know what I bring to the table? Well it’s simple, knowing your worth and what you bring to the table will help you iron out your deal makers and deal breakers for your desired partner. So many men and women go through countless failed relationships before they find someone who is genuinely for them because they have not been able to discern between settling and acceptance. This can often be avoided if we get clear about our deal makers and deal breakers and how these either compliment or compromise our values.
Settling versus Acceptance
When we settle in a relationship we go against all of our beliefs and values for the sake of being in a relationship. However, acceptance is understanding that no relationship is perfect but staying in the one you’re in won’t cause you to compromise who you are or cause you harm. Thus, you know that everyone comes with flaws but the good in your relationship is greater than any flaw you or your partner has. People settle for various reasons but here’s a few; fear of being alone, worried about your age, pressure from friends or family (to date, get married or start a family), attraction to a specific type and most importantly lack of clarity regarding your self-worth and what you truly deserve!
Are you ready to do the work?
Once my marriage ended I promised myself that I wouldn’t jump into a relationship for the sake of not being single. I used my time to focus on me and get clear on who I am as a woman. I often have conversations with people who tell me my standards are too high. Well, when you go through a divorce or breakup from a long-lasting relationship your standards should be high, but realistic. Let me repeat that, your standards should be high but realistic! I became clear on what I won’t settle for and what I would accept without compromising myself as a woman, mother, friend or professional. I had to really peel back layers and reveal my true authentic self.
I had to get to know myself, and work on me. I started fixing my own toxicity, building my self-worth, beliefs and identifying what I value in a mate and what I define as the ideal relationship. I then mapped out what I would be bringing to the table and what I am looking for; in a nutshell I became very clear on my deal makers and deal breakers ensuring that I won’t ever compromise all the work that I’ve put into the woman I’ve become. Been there, done that and never going back! If you’re in a season of singleness, use this time to really become clear about who you are, your values and what you truly envision your ideal mate or relationship to be. Be real about what you will not and can not negotiate about just for the sake of being with someone. Always remember that only you are in control of what you accept so settling should never be an option!
Renee_theblogger_: Be open to the possibility of love but guard and protect yourself at all costs. Don’t ever settle for a relationship that won’t allow you to be your authentic self. Remember that it is okay to be single, as being single is making the choice to be you, unapologetically and without having to settle.