Why Expressing Your Needs in a Relationship is Crucial?

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Initially it appeared that Lena Waithe would string us along this entire season of The Chi and we’d never see Keisha reunited with her family. However, within these past few episodes we’ve finally received some resolve. While this was one of the central storylines this season, I am actually more intrigued by Papa and Miesha’s budding teenage romance. One scene in particular captured my attention; it’s the one in which Papa asked Miesha if she would date him. What Miesha followed up with shocked me but also made me smile a big smile! She asked, “what are the requirements?” Papa followed up with what he wanted from her (of course simple things due to their age) but I hope you get where I’m going with this.  Although Miesha is young, as a mother of daughters I was also hoping she would have conveyed the requirements she had for him.  However,  with time and experiences will come wisdom, her desire and the capacity to express what she needs and wants. This conversation they had made me reflect upon reasons why many relationships and marriages fail today. So many women were once Miesha and never learned how to express their needs and wants. 

At one point in my life I was unable to express my needs, especially when I was married to my ex. I was not only unaware of most of them, but I also felt guilty or selfish if I  wanted to express them. Because my ex and I were together for so long,  what I wanted and needed in the beginning of our relationship was not the same towards the end of it. I entered that relationship as a broken  little girl (who had no real meaning of what it meant to be able to communicate my desires) and came out of it an empowered woman.  When I think about the woman I am today, I’m grateful for my journey! I was aging but had not quite grown up, causing me to give all of my power away. It took me loving myself,  and knowing my self-worth to appreciate the empowered woman that I am now. I wouldn’t trade that for anything and I’m no longer afraid or guilty about speaking up. 

While many relationships fail due to differences in priorities, trust  or compatibility issues, oftentimes women and even men are too afraid to be vulnerable and have hard conversations. At some point if we ever expect to be in a healthy and loving relationship we have to be okay with being uncomfortable and having such discussions.  Many people are too afraid of losing their partner and end up sacrificing and losing themselves all for the sake of not speaking up. As adults we have to begin to be okay with being assertive and candidly expressing our needs and desires prior to even committing to the relationship. In doing so, we’re able to discern who is for us and who isn’t. In most cases putting all cards on the table from day one can save us from some unwanted heartbreaks and being in relationships that don’t fulfill us.  Don’t be so quick to settle for safe. Know your needs,  know your wants and express them!  

If you’re unclear about what you need, make a list of your deal breakers, qualities that you value in a mate, what you want out of a relationship and also what you have to offer to your mate (yes, what you bring to the table matters). You should also familiarize yourself with your love language if you have yet discovered it: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/singles-quiz/

Renee_theblogger_:  Don’t be so quick to deny or invalidate your needs in a relationship.  Discover yourself, know yourself and don’t ever be afraid to express yourself! When we commit to expressing our needs in a relationship we’re committing to honoring our happiness and fostering a transparent and  healthy relationship. 

Published by Renee

Who can really capture who they are in a brief summary? I'm a mother, an educator and a woman that's breaking generational curses. Those who know me would say I'm honest, genuine, and a little bit of an introvert. I'm big on integrity, so I hold true to the importance of being yourself and being straightforward. As I've matured as a woman, I've learned that many of the obstacles I faced stripped me of my voice and for so many years I was held hostage to my past. I'm currently walking into this next chapter of my life no longer afraid to speak my truth and share what healing has done for me. A wise woman once told me that all that I went through was my destiny and most importantly to help others, she said, "baby it's not about you." I didn't understand it at the time, but I've accepted the challenge of going from the wounded to the healer.

3 thoughts on “Why Expressing Your Needs in a Relationship is Crucial?

  1. Well said that was one of my biggest mistakes not expressing my needs and desires and dislikes to my ex. As I grow and learn myself more I understand that’s why ending it hurt so much because I expected so much because I fulfilled his needs.

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  2. Thanks so much for this best friend. I’m definitely doing that going forward. I will always be clear and I will also require the same thing. I’d be damm if I waste my time again .

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  3. I love this!! I agree because a lot of times people enter relationships broken. Both men and women, and expect to feel complete. When in fact it should be two complete individuals coming together to grow. We lose ourselves trying to meet the needs of our partners forgetting that we are important too! We have needs also
    We cut ourselves short when it comes to love!!

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