I’ve heard the saying many times, “the best way to get over that man or woman is to find a new one” but is this really a long term solution? Breakups can be hard and even harder to heal from but dating or getting into another relationship too soon due to the “quick fix” approach can lead to one or more things; a broken man or woman who hasn’t fully healed repeating patterns of unhealthy behavior, or someone ending up in a rebound relationship and hurting their new partner. Committing to your healing can help you avoid such situations. I instantly knew I was dating too soon after my divorce when that specific person was trying to get me to commit to a more serious relationship. The idea of being wanted, catered to and even treated better than I’ve ever been was amazing, but what he wanted me to reciprocate I knew I couldn’t give, so I decided early on that dating wasn’t something I was ready for.
What most women would long for in a man was right in front of me but I was too broken to receive it. Although I was transparent about where I was on my journey, what I was looking for and what I wasn’t looking for, I’m sure I ended up hurting this person in the process. I had no business dating and made a promise to myself to focus on my healing, rather than breaking someone else’s heart. When we haven’t fully healed after a breakup, we often date to fulfill our feelings of inadequacy or loneliness rather than dating because we truly want to be with the other person.
So how do you know whether or not you’re ready to date?
- You feel like you’re being rushed into a commitment that you’re not quite ready for
- You feel like you’ve lost yourself; just going with the flow
- You have a fear of being single, ending up in situationships
- You’re not emotionally available
- You constantly compare your ex to the person you’re currently dating or you project the resentment you feel towards your ex onto your new mate
- You’re not over your ex; you still have an interest or hope of rekindling that relationship
After my divorce I had to commit to falling in love with myself and embrace my season of singleness. When I initially became a divorcee, not only did I feel lonely, I felt like dating would be a good distraction. That’s just it, it was only a distraction but I quickly recognized this wasn’t a route I wanted to travel. I had to commit to my healing. As I did the work, I became more comfortable with who I was as a single woman.
Don’t ever think that dating right away will help you heal faster, it’ll actually stunt your growth and the progression of your healing. Usually after a breakup the person who stays single and works on their healing will often be better off, emotionally and mentally. There’s a good chance that you need to unpack some emotional trauma that you’ve gone through in your previous relationship or as a result of it ending. Allow your singleness to liberate you and focus on finding peace.
Renee_theblogger_: Healing occurs at different paces and in different stages for every individual after a breakup. What does hold true for all is that you shouldn’t make healing fast a goal; so much so that you lose sight of what’s really important. Get to know and love yourself, practicing this on a daily basis! Without properly healing you’ll end up breaking your own heart and potentially the heart of others.