My First Blog Post

Gracefully Broken

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

October 17, 2019 

Gracefully Broken

Never in a million years would I have ever pictured my life to turn out the way it did! Just a year in a half ago I was married to my high school best friend with two beautiful children, but  boy did I experience a whirlwind. By the end of 2017 I noticed that we no longer had the bond or connection that we’ve always had. At this point I was diagnosed with clinical depression, struggling with my weight and had no energy or desire to even give my marriage the chance to survive. However, I knew I was also afraid to lose my husband, the life we built together, what I was used to and my normalcy. At 33 I thought who is going to want me? I didn’t sign up to be a single mom and how will I make it without him. We begin to have all of these “talks” which never really led to any resolve. Marriage counseling didn’t even work because at one point I noticed I was the only one putting forth effort.  As a result, I begin to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for life without my husband.  

For some reason neither one of us wanted to make the move towards asking for a divorce. Eventually we decided to  do a trial separation and it was during the separation that I accepted what was and built up the courage to discuss the option of divorce.  I was going throuuuuuuugh it! I was battling with my mom’s illness, helping to take care of my father, stressed at work and preparing myself to live a life without the only man that I ever truly loved! Throughout this process, I was literally having breakdowns at work in the bathroom, coming home and only having enough energy to feed and bathe my children. I was emotionally disconnected from everyone!  I was heartbroken, bitter and even more depressed. In the midst of all of this I found out the man I loved had a whole girlfriend on the side (for two years during our marriage). I was angry, not sleeping and full of anxiety. I felt like the devil was just busy! I was lost and didn’t know where to turn; I was literally spiraling. One day I was listening to a pastor talk and his message was about how 2019 was going to be so powerful and great for everyone.  Simultaneously I was offered a promotion at my job, which meant more responsibilities, a great career opportunity and more financial gains for myself and my children. I suddenly realized that when I thought the devil was so busy destroying my life in 2017 & 2018, it was actually God disrupting my life to prepare me for something greater! I realized my husband wasn’t meant to move with me into my new season and that in order for me to receive this message God needed to break my heart in order to save my soul. I had become too complacent with being the “down to ride to the very end” wife and  also lost myself in being a mother. I accepted the fact that I was chosen to be gracefully broken! 

Unknown Author: 

“There are some people who will be content just “being” but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be “broken”. We have to get sick. We have to lose a job. We have to go through divorce. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created.”

Heal, Because your Future Depends on It!

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m sending love to all those who are fighting a battle to maintain their mental health. I’m sending love to all of those who are taking this walk alone and  silently. No one chooses to experience struggles with their mental health, but it takes a lot of strength and courage to pull yourself out of a dark place mentally. I know this because I’ve done this myself. In 2017 I had reached a breaking point. My mom had just suffered a severe stroke which left her paralyzed and unable to speak, and my marriage was crumbling.  I was operating on autopilot and really struggling with all that was going on in my life.  I’ve always been the strong friend and the one person that everyone has been able to depend on. However, the girl that seemed unbreakable was definitely breaking!  I was losing it; losing my faith, losing my marriage, losing my fight and losing my will to live. Ever hear  people say, “they’re only alive because of their children?” Well that was me! I didn’t know it at the time but I was experiencing anxiety, depression and passive suicidal ideation  (having thoughts of no longer wanting to live, but not actually coming up with a plan to take my life). Every time the thought of no longer wanting to live crept up on me, my conscious would kick in and remind me that I mattered and the love from daughters and that I had for them was stronger than any thought of ending my life. 

 I remember  talking to my then husband at the time and telling him I felt like my mental health was off and he laughed at me, told me “I was crazy” and nothing was wrong with me.  Since then I’ve learned to forgive him (I had to learn that if he knew better he would’ve reacted better), but I resented him for that comment and it was one of the reasons I fell out of love with the one person that I was hoping would save me. How could he not notice? I struggled with finding the strength to do anything. I would go to work, come home and lock myself in the room; having only the desire to sleep. This went on for months before I built up the courage and willpower to seek professional help. This was ultimately the best decision that I could ever have made. I’ve always been so quick to save everyone else but I started fighting for me. If I was going to be emotionally available to my daughters I had to put on my oxygen mask and save myself first! 

The irony in all of this is I’ve actually struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a kid but was never given the tools to know what it was or how to deal with it. Seeking professional help gave me the clarity that I was longing for and provided me with the courage to share with others. I share this truth gracefully as I know I’m not the only one that has experienced  such struggles. Whether you’ve had this experience or not, it’s important to pay attention to loved ones and friends. First and foremost when they tell you something is wrong believe them. Here’s some other important factors to take into account when loving someone who is struggling with their mental health: 

  1. Show and express concern without being judgemental 
  2. Be observant and understand when patterns of behavior become abnormal or concerning 
  3. Offer help  with objectivity and realistic solutions 
  4. Encourage self-care and wellness routines 
  5. Most importantly, educate yourself on what your loved one is experiencing 
  6. Lastly, if it’s costing you your mental health, don’t be afraid to step away from the relationship 

My decision to open up about my mental health has never been for sympathy but rather to break the stigma and help inspire others who may be afraid to seek the help they need or have the courage to open up about it. The truth is many people are living and suffering  in silence. While it is their right to not want to disclose what they’re going through, opening up is beneficial. The more people open up, the more other people will be able to understand the struggle is very real! 

Renee_theblogger_:  Give yourself permission to feel, as even the most uncomfortable moments are part of the process.  It’s okay to break, but just don’t stay stuck there. Heal because your future depends on it!

With Growth and Change Comes Discomfort

We’re one week down  with 51 more weeks to go until 2022! I know that seems like a lot of time but  if there’s one thing that 2020 has taught me, it’s definitely that time will never stop for anyone. Like most, I entered 2020 feeling like I was going to crush my goals and find my happy place. 2020 however, definitely had other plans! In 2020 I lost loved ones, gained love and even lost love! Furthermore, it was definitely a year of awakening for me. It made me more conscious, made me uncomfortable and caused me to be much more intentional. I started feeling this unsettling feeling in my spirit that the universe was calling me to elevate in ways that I’ve never done before.  I had to really quiet the noise, sit down and strategically plan out the next chapter in life. 

My singleness left an uncertainty that I think most women experience when they go through a breakup or a divorce. I had done the work to heal the hurt  but there was still a void I was feeling.  I started thinking about all of the obstacles that have been thrown at me in my past and how I’ve never let them deter me from doing what I wanted to do. Once I started reflecting upon my accomplishments I knew God was calling me to woman up and level up. That unsettling feeling I was feeling was on purpose. I had to recognize that at this point in my life, the only person I’m in competition with right now is myself! In order to walk into this next chapter of my life that I’m authoring, I had to be real with myself, be intentional and take accountability. 

  Every year people set resolutions at the start of the New Year, starting the year off strong and by the 2nd quarter of the year they fall back into old habits and/or forget about their resolutions altogether. For this reason, I had to do things a bit different. I made a  commitment to myself to make this year the year that I truly focus on me and some very realistic and attainable goals that I know are achievable if I remain consistent, hold myself accountable and commit to not allowing anyone or anything to throw me off of my game. So weeks before 2021 rolled around I did the following: 

  1. Wrote a letter to myself asking for forgiveness, grace and mercy and recommitting to putting myself first ( sometimes as women we’re so quick to forgive others and commit to them but we don’t do this for ourselves. We have to be okay with knowing that no one is perfect and although we may get knocked down, staying down is not an option). 
  2. Redesigned and revised my Goal board ( I know most people create vision boards and set resolutions, but I couldn’t do that this year). In the past I’ve always created “cute” vision boards that were unrealistic. I simply looked at what I dreamed of but never took any actionable steps to attain them. However, any goal I’ve set for myself in the past I’ve always accomplished. So this year I set three very realistic goals with a plan on how I’ll hold myself accountable to accomplish them. 
  3. Lastly, I cut off some people and things that aren’t  destined to move with me into this next chapter of my life. As we get older we often don’t understand why we aren’t receiving our blessings or why things aren’t working the way we want them to. That’s because we block our blessings when we hold space for things and people who we shouldn’t hold space for.  Well, always remember that some people and things are seasonal. Be okay with letting go of what isn’t serving you any purpose. 

I’m interested in hearing your goals and your plan to accomplish them  so don’t forget to like, comment and share. Follow me on instagram @renee_theblogger_

Renee_theblogger_:  That unsettling feeling in your spirit and your situation becoming uncomfortable is on purpose. When it’s time for you to take accountability and be intentional that’s your call to move. Disruption is never accidental! 

Don’t Allow the Holidays to Catch you Slipping!

15 Self Love Quotes You Need To Shine From Within Today!

The holiday season is generally and historically known as a time of joy, love, and family, but for many people it’s a time that will catch you slipping; caught  sitting in our feelings,  self-sabotaging, getting caught up in situationships and/or forcing connections (romantic, friendships, and family) that are no longer meant for us. I get dms and hit up all the time about how I’m speaking truth and how what I’m sharing is what someone is going through but they’re just afraid to admit it. Well, I’m never going to write about or speak on anything that I myself have not lived through and made it out of!  I know personally that by sharing my experiences I’m helping someone else. 

The holiday season is especially rough for me as I’ve suffered a lot of loss and if I’m not careful my thoughts will have me stuck in my feelings. However, as I reflect on my life I know that God has never put me through something that he hasn’t  carried me through! I hope this makes sense to you. While I’m past the stage of loneliness and I can truly enjoy being alone, who honestly wants to be alone? Well, if it comes at the expense of my happiness or my peace I’m definitely passing on any connection. 

As I get older I’ve learned that everyone who starts with me no matter what season I’m in at the moment isn’t always going to finish with me. I’m never lowering my standards and if something isn’t contributing to my peace, I’m no longer afraid to walk away! For example, when I first began having feelings of walking away from my marriage I was terrified! I was with this man for so long, and I became complacent. I kept praying to God to guide me and give me a sign. Well, at the time I didn’t understand that God was giving me signs; he allowed this man to continue to break my heart over and over until I felt empty inside. It wasn’t until I had nothing else to give did I truly understand that by fighting to keep something that was no longer for me, I was blocking my own blessings. Same holds true for a situationship I found myself in. I knew from the beginning this man wasn’t for me but I continued to repeat the cycle and tried to teach this man to be the man I needed him to be. While I’ll always have love for him, I love myself more. I had to realize that by staying I was reneging on all the healing that I had done to get to the place I am now. Letting go was what I needed to do! 

It’s no doubt that women are nurturers at heart so we get so caught up with pouring into others. Unfortunately as we’re consumed with  pouring into others we forget to pour into ourselves. In the end we end up empty, feeling depleted and defeated. Most recently I had to recommit to focusing on me (truth be told I got caught slipping, slipping into an old pattern of trying to maintain a connection that wasn’t for me).  I realized that where I went wrong in praying for a man was praying to God for a man. I hope you caught that gem! Use this season to be still, and focus on you, your goals and your own happiness. Everything else will fall into place when it’s supposed to. 

I’m interested in hearing your thoughts so don’t forget to like, comment and share. Follow me on instagram @renee_theblogger_

Renee_theblogger_:  Some of us are so full of love and commitment for others that we forget about ourselves. Don’t be so committed to others that you forget to show up for yourself.  Make the rest of your life the best of your life. Show up and Show out!

How do we end up breaking our own hearts?

Vector Realistic Paper Textured Torn Heart - Miscellaneous Vectors

On the outside looking in many are often judged or looked down upon because of the choices they make in a relationship, specifically staying in a relationship that has become one-sided, and no longer provides any form of fulfillment. I would be lying if I said I’ve never been in this predicament. Not only have I been the one to stay in a relationship that was breaking me, but I’ve also been the one to judge others for staying when their heart wasn’t in it! There can be many reasons why people stay in relationships they no longer want or that aren’t right for them!

Through discussions with friends and from personal experience I’ve listed below my top 6 reasons why people stay longer than they should: 

  1. First and foremost, people have a fear of the unknown and what their life would be like without that person, especially if it’s been a long lasting relationship. 
  2. If kids are involved, partners often think staying together is what’s best for the kids! Wrong, kids need to see their parents happy and being loved properly!
  3. Some think about how long they’ve been with the person, and start to believe they’ve wasted their best years so there’s no way they will love again. They start to believe they will eventually end up alone. 
  4. This one is a major one; people become so consumed with how the other person may react, think or feel so they stay longer, ignoring their own unhappiness.
  5. Another key factor; going against gut instincts and lack of trust in oneself about making the best decision! 
  6. While this shouldn’t be a reason, in many situations it is. People get so caught up with others’ opinions that they stay longer than they want to because of a fear of being judged by friends or family members. 

Whether staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the unknown, fear of being alone, or being judged by others the end result is often not pleasant.  As creatures of habit people become so caught up the familiarity of the relationship that they stay stuck for years. They get so consumed with not wanting to break their partner’s heart that they end up breaking their own.  We often think staying to deal with the “devil we know” is the best solution so we either fight and fight and fight to fix what’s broken, or ignore the issues altogether and eventually block our own happiness!  This leaves us  feeling miserable and resenting one another.  

Renee_theblogger_: While walking away from a relationship is never easy, especially one with someone you love and care about, it’s sometimes necessary. Yes, it will hurt to let go but staying will ultimately hurt more. Trust the process and trust yourself. If staying is hurting you, let it go!

Blindsided Breakups: A thing or not a thing?

how to know a relationship is over

I recently read a post online in which a well-known rapper/entertainer mentioned being blindsided by his wife filing for divorce. The thought of this immediately sparked my interest as I thought it’s impossible to be blindsided by your marriage or relationship coming to an end. However, I now see how this is possible. For most women, myself included we see very early on when our marriage or relationship is in trouble. On one hand some of us ignore the signs (as we’re possibly strategizing our plan of getting out), others tend to speak to their close friends (seeking advice or an opportunity to vent), and some choose to confront their mates about these issues or seek professional help to sort out the issues. On the other hand I’ve heard a few men say it is indeed possible for a man to be blindsided by his mate wanting a divorce or wanting to end the relationship.

While I won’t go into detail about the validity of these points,  I do believe everyone deep down knows when the relationship is over! The million dollar question is whether or not you’re able to accept the end?   Everyone marries with the thought of finding their “forever,” intending for their spouse to be their life-long lover and companion but the reality of the matter is – life happens and unfortunately our plan is not always God’s plan.  I, myself have been in this position so I know the feeling of falling in love with someone and it not working out how I envisioned. We think that because our marriage or relationship has been built on respect, friendship, lust, love and/or unity that this is a forever thing. Unfortunately there is a chance that those dynamics will change.  Once there is a breakdown in any one of those dynamics, it’s usually a clear indication that your marriage or relationship is on the verge of falling apart or over. 

So how do you know your marriage or relationship is falling apart and/or over? 

  • Small disagreements often escalate or result in greater arguments or long lasting conflict – disagreements are normal but when they consistently lead to screaming matches and disrespect then some reevaluation is needed
  • The sight or thought of your partner changes your whole entire mood – this is an extreme circumstance but very real and most definitely indicative that the relationship is possibly over  
  • Communication is ineffective, or simply doesn’t exist 
  • The romance has faded and you no longer feel the desire to be intimate or have an interest in making an effort to work on any issues 
  • You feel like you don’t  know who your partner is anymore- you feel like strangers to one another  
  • Infidelity issues can’t be forgiven or overcome 
  • Counseling or therapy is ineffective – one person or both have checked out or given up 

These are only a few signs that your relationship may be on the verge of being over. While they may not necessarily result in the end of your relationship, they are suggestive that there’s trouble in paradise and unless both parties are committed to doing the work the union has come to an end.  

Renee_theblogger_:  The decision to divorce or end a relationship  is often one of the most difficult decisions a mate has to make about the fate of their relationship. More than likely, options, choices and scenarios have already been weighed.  Thus, the decision is  almost often never sudden and  due to reasons that have been brewing for some time… a very long time!

Be Blameless: Own Your Part in the Relationship

The end of my marriage caused me to level up and grow in ways that I didn’t think was possible. It forced me and gave me the opportunity to be real with myself and hold myself accountable. The saying, “it takes two” is real and I understood it more than ever when I was alone and able to sit in my truth. I had to accept the role I played in the way  in which my marriage turned out and even ended. For quite some time I was stuck on the part my ex played and “all the things” he did or didn’t do. What that did was keep me stuck, stuck in a one-sided story! 

As I did the work and invested in my own healing my vision became clear. It allowed me to understand that my ex’s issues were no longer my burden to bear and if I was ever going to be in a healthy relationship in the future I had to first be healthy alone. For me this meant taking ownership and responsibility for my own actions. This process of taking ownership can be messy but in the end it’s so worthwhile. It not only allowed me to understand my faults but also forgive myself for them. When you know better, you do better. I now know my role in specific moments that played out in my marriage; my inability to communicate effectively ( whether it was being argumentative or shutting down all together),  not expressing my needs (settling),  my inability to forgive my ex for past issues (which somehow I often found a way to throw in his face) and criticizing my ex because of this false perception of a man that I wanted him to be (which deep down I knew he couldn’t give me).  

By taking ownership of my role in issues that occurred in my marriage, I had to accept that everyone makes mistakes, including myself.  Although the end of my marriage left me heartbroken, and it took me doing some real work to heal, I’ve always been and I’m still a lover of love. The only difference is that now I’m very clear on the mistakes I don’t ever plan on repeating in the future,  such as deflecting rather than accepting responsibility for my own faults, knowing that all disagreements don’t need to result in arguments (effective communication is key) and my unwillingness to accept misplaced blame ( making excuses for things that were no fault of my own).  

If right now you’re finding yourself in this situation, there’s four key practices that can help improve your relationship but you’ll need to make each apart of daily your routine:

  1. Honesty and self-awareness; understand that it’s not just actions that hurt people, words do as well. Be careful with what you do and say.  
  2. Being proactive rather than reactive; practice acting on the situation in a respectful manner  rather than being reactive and negative. 
  3. Openly and honestly communicate; doing so builds and maintains trust 
  4. Don’t be a grudge holder; know when to forgive yourself and your partner 

Renee_theblogger_: Healing starts with taking responsibility, responsibility for yourself and no longer blaming others. In doing so, you’re snatching your power back to change your life and setting the tone for who you will be as a partner in a healthy relationship.

Signs You’re Not Ready to Date After a Breakup

Fixed heart

I’ve heard the saying many times, “the best way to get over that man or woman is to find a new one” but is this really a long term solution? Breakups can be hard and even harder to heal from but dating or getting into another relationship too soon due to the “quick fix” approach can lead to one or more things; a broken man or woman who hasn’t fully healed repeating patterns of unhealthy behavior, or someone ending up in a rebound relationship and hurting their new partner. Committing to your healing can help you avoid such situations. I instantly knew I was dating too soon after my divorce when that specific person was trying to get me to commit to a more serious relationship. The idea of being wanted, catered to and even treated better than I’ve ever been was amazing, but what he wanted me to reciprocate I knew I couldn’t give, so I decided early on that dating wasn’t something I was ready for.

What most women would long for in a man was right in front of me but I was too broken to receive it. Although I was transparent about where I was on my journey, what I was looking for and what I wasn’t looking for, I’m sure I ended up hurting this person in the process. I had no business dating and made a promise to myself to focus on my healing, rather than breaking someone else’s heart. When we haven’t fully healed after a breakup, we often date to fulfill our feelings of inadequacy or loneliness rather than dating because we truly want to be with the other person.

So how do you know whether or not you’re ready to date? 

Key Signs: 

  1. You feel like you’re being rushed into a commitment that you’re not quite ready for
  2. You feel like you’ve lost yourself; just going with the flow
  3. You have a fear of being single, ending up in situationships
  4. You’re not emotionally available
  5. You constantly compare your ex to the person you’re currently dating or you project the resentment you feel towards your ex onto your new mate
  6. You’re not over your ex; you still have an interest or hope of rekindling that relationship

After my divorce I had to commit to falling in love with myself and embrace my season of singleness. When I initially became a divorcee, not only did I feel lonely, I felt like dating would be a good distraction. That’s just it, it was only a distraction but I quickly recognized this wasn’t a route I wanted to travel. I had to commit to my healing. As I did the work, I became more comfortable with who I was as a single woman.

Don’t ever think that dating right away will help you heal faster, it’ll actually stunt your growth and  the progression of your healing. Usually after a breakup the person who stays single and works on their healing will often be better off, emotionally and mentally. There’s a good chance that you need to unpack some emotional trauma that you’ve gone through in your previous relationship or as a result of it ending. Allow your singleness to liberate you and focus on finding peace.  

Renee_theblogger_:  Healing occurs at different paces and in different stages for every individual after a breakup.  What does hold true for all is that you shouldn’t make  healing fast a goal;  so much so that you lose sight of what’s really important. Get to know and love yourself, practicing this on a daily basis! Without properly healing you’ll end up breaking your own heart and potentially the heart of others. 

Why Expressing Your Needs in a Relationship is Crucial?

Image for post

Initially it appeared that Lena Waithe would string us along this entire season of The Chi and we’d never see Keisha reunited with her family. However, within these past few episodes we’ve finally received some resolve. While this was one of the central storylines this season, I am actually more intrigued by Papa and Miesha’s budding teenage romance. One scene in particular captured my attention; it’s the one in which Papa asked Miesha if she would date him. What Miesha followed up with shocked me but also made me smile a big smile! She asked, “what are the requirements?” Papa followed up with what he wanted from her (of course simple things due to their age) but I hope you get where I’m going with this.  Although Miesha is young, as a mother of daughters I was also hoping she would have conveyed the requirements she had for him.  However,  with time and experiences will come wisdom, her desire and the capacity to express what she needs and wants. This conversation they had made me reflect upon reasons why many relationships and marriages fail today. So many women were once Miesha and never learned how to express their needs and wants. 

At one point in my life I was unable to express my needs, especially when I was married to my ex. I was not only unaware of most of them, but I also felt guilty or selfish if I  wanted to express them. Because my ex and I were together for so long,  what I wanted and needed in the beginning of our relationship was not the same towards the end of it. I entered that relationship as a broken  little girl (who had no real meaning of what it meant to be able to communicate my desires) and came out of it an empowered woman.  When I think about the woman I am today, I’m grateful for my journey! I was aging but had not quite grown up, causing me to give all of my power away. It took me loving myself,  and knowing my self-worth to appreciate the empowered woman that I am now. I wouldn’t trade that for anything and I’m no longer afraid or guilty about speaking up. 

While many relationships fail due to differences in priorities, trust  or compatibility issues, oftentimes women and even men are too afraid to be vulnerable and have hard conversations. At some point if we ever expect to be in a healthy and loving relationship we have to be okay with being uncomfortable and having such discussions.  Many people are too afraid of losing their partner and end up sacrificing and losing themselves all for the sake of not speaking up. As adults we have to begin to be okay with being assertive and candidly expressing our needs and desires prior to even committing to the relationship. In doing so, we’re able to discern who is for us and who isn’t. In most cases putting all cards on the table from day one can save us from some unwanted heartbreaks and being in relationships that don’t fulfill us.  Don’t be so quick to settle for safe. Know your needs,  know your wants and express them!  

If you’re unclear about what you need, make a list of your deal breakers, qualities that you value in a mate, what you want out of a relationship and also what you have to offer to your mate (yes, what you bring to the table matters). You should also familiarize yourself with your love language if you have yet discovered it: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/singles-quiz/

Renee_theblogger_:  Don’t be so quick to deny or invalidate your needs in a relationship.  Discover yourself, know yourself and don’t ever be afraid to express yourself! When we commit to expressing our needs in a relationship we’re committing to honoring our happiness and fostering a transparent and  healthy relationship. 

Settling Should Never Be An Option

Why do some people settle?

When we envision what we want in a partner, we often think about and list the qualities that we truly desire in a mate, but how often do you list the qualities that you have to offer, or at least think about them? You may have read that and thought why on Earth do I need to list the qualities I have to offer when I know what I bring to the table? Well it’s simple, knowing your worth and what you bring to the table will help you iron out your deal makers and deal breakers for your desired partner.  So many men and women go through countless failed relationships before they find someone who is genuinely for them because they have not been able to discern between settling and acceptance.  This can often be avoided if we get clear about our deal makers and deal breakers and  how these either compliment or compromise our values. 

Settling versus Acceptance

When we settle in a relationship we go against all of our beliefs and values for the sake of being in a relationship. However, acceptance is understanding that no relationship is perfect but staying in the one you’re in won’t cause you to compromise who you are or cause you harm.  Thus, you know that everyone comes with flaws but the good in your relationship is greater than any flaw  you or your partner has. People settle for various reasons but here’s a few; fear of being alone, worried about your age, pressure from friends or family (to date, get married or start a family), attraction to a specific type and most importantly lack of clarity regarding your self-worth and what you truly deserve! 

Are you ready to do the work?

Once my marriage ended I promised myself that I wouldn’t jump into a relationship for the sake of not being single. I used my time to focus on me and get clear on who I am as a woman. I often have conversations with people who tell me my standards are too high. Well, when you go through a divorce or breakup from a long-lasting relationship your standards should be high, but realistic. Let me repeat that, your standards should be high but realistic! I became clear on what I won’t settle for and what I would accept without compromising myself as a woman, mother, friend or professional. I had to really peel back layers and reveal my true authentic self. 

I had to get to know myself, and work on me. I started fixing my own toxicity, building my self-worth, beliefs and identifying what I value in a mate and what I define as the ideal relationship. I then mapped out what I would be bringing to the table and what I am looking for; in a nutshell I  became very clear on my deal makers and deal breakers ensuring that I won’t ever compromise all the work that I’ve put into the woman I’ve become.  Been there, done that and never going back! If you’re in a season of singleness, use this time to really become clear about who you are, your values and what you truly envision your ideal mate or relationship to be. Be real about what you will not and can not negotiate about just for the sake of being with someone. Always remember that only you are in control of what you accept so settling should never be an option! 

Renee_theblogger_:  Be open to the possibility of love but guard and protect yourself at all costs. Don’t ever settle for a relationship that won’t allow you to be your authentic self.  Remember that it is okay to be single, as being single is making the choice to be you,  unapologetically and without having to settle. 

Great Achievements Involves Taking Greater Risks

Are you still wondering when this will all be over and hoping for things to go back to normal, or should I say back to the way they were before Covid-19? Well newsflash, we can’t go back! I’ll quote myself and say, “When the dust settles and this pandemic is over, things shouldn’t go back to normal. In fact, they should be better! If you’re still doing the same things, haven’t become more self-reflective, and haven’t worked on some goals then perhaps you have not used this time wisely.” Disruption is almost often never accidental, so perhaps the time for change is now. I’m encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone and get out of your own way. Too many times do we pass up on opportunities of being successful because we’re simply in our own way.

Taking risks can ultimately lead to many outcomes,  but here’s the main reasons why you should start now: 

  1. First and foremost, taking risks in your career or business may seem daunting but they can also come with unlimited gains. 
  2. Taking risks will help you to build and exude confidence. 
  3. You can’t achieve your goals by operating out of fear or playing it safe. 
  4. We live and learn- risk taking  can ultimately lead you on a successful path of great leadership and purpose. 
  5. If you’re a parent, what legacy or sustainability are you leaving for your kids? 
  6. Lastly, this may be our new normal so don’t wait, start now! 

While both men and women can experience apprehension at times regarding starting something new, it’s often women who experience the fear of taking risks. There are many reservations which make us fearful of taking risks; fear of failure, fear of other’s opinions, fear related to your age, and simply fear of the unknown! I’m definitely guilty of having all of these feelings at one point. In fact, fear kept me stuck for far too long. However, I had to realize that I have been delivered from some tough situations and still made it through. It is that deliverance that has cleared the path for me to get where I’m supposed to get and be who I am supposed to be. Too many people stay stuck and live their lives bondaged by fear. Don’t be that person, if you’re ever going to grow, just go for it!

Renee_theblogger_: Drop every fear and take your chances. You’ll miss 100 percent of the shots if you don’t take them but you’ll have a better chance at a successful shot if you go for it. You’ll never know how far you can go unless you keep going!

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