My First Blog Post

Gracefully Broken

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

October 17, 2019 

Gracefully Broken

Never in a million years would I have ever pictured my life to turn out the way it did! Just a year in a half ago I was married to my high school best friend with two beautiful children, but  boy did I experience a whirlwind. By the end of 2017 I noticed that we no longer had the bond or connection that we’ve always had. At this point I was diagnosed with clinical depression, struggling with my weight and had no energy or desire to even give my marriage the chance to survive. However, I knew I was also afraid to lose my husband, the life we built together, what I was used to and my normalcy. At 33 I thought who is going to want me? I didn’t sign up to be a single mom and how will I make it without him. We begin to have all of these “talks” which never really led to any resolve. Marriage counseling didn’t even work because at one point I noticed I was the only one putting forth effort.  As a result, I begin to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for life without my husband.  

For some reason neither one of us wanted to make the move towards asking for a divorce. Eventually we decided to  do a trial separation and it was during the separation that I accepted what was and built up the courage to discuss the option of divorce.  I was going throuuuuuuugh it! I was battling with my mom’s illness, helping to take care of my father, stressed at work and preparing myself to live a life without the only man that I ever truly loved! Throughout this process, I was literally having breakdowns at work in the bathroom, coming home and only having enough energy to feed and bathe my children. I was emotionally disconnected from everyone!  I was heartbroken, bitter and even more depressed. In the midst of all of this I found out the man I loved had a whole girlfriend on the side (for two years during our marriage). I was angry, not sleeping and full of anxiety. I felt like the devil was just busy! I was lost and didn’t know where to turn; I was literally spiraling. One day I was listening to a pastor talk and his message was about how 2019 was going to be so powerful and great for everyone.  Simultaneously I was offered a promotion at my job, which meant more responsibilities, a great career opportunity and more financial gains for myself and my children. I suddenly realized that when I thought the devil was so busy destroying my life in 2017 & 2018, it was actually God disrupting my life to prepare me for something greater! I realized my husband wasn’t meant to move with me into my new season and that in order for me to receive this message God needed to break my heart in order to save my soul. I had become too complacent with being the “down to ride to the very end” wife and  also lost myself in being a mother. I accepted the fact that I was chosen to be gracefully broken! 

Unknown Author: 

“There are some people who will be content just “being” but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be “broken”. We have to get sick. We have to lose a job. We have to go through divorce. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created.”

Blindsided Breakups: A thing or not a thing?

how to know a relationship is over

I recently read a post online in which a well-known rapper/entertainer mentioned being blindsided by his wife filing for divorce. The thought of this immediately sparked my interest as I thought it’s impossible to be blindsided by your marriage or relationship coming to an end. However, I now see how this is possible. For most women, myself included we see very early on when our marriage or relationship is in trouble. On one hand some of us ignore the signs (as we’re possibly strategizing our plan of getting out), others tend to speak to their close friends (seeking advice or an opportunity to vent), and some choose to confront their mates about these issues or seek professional help to sort out the issues. On the other hand I’ve heard a few men say it is indeed possible for a man to be blindsided by his mate wanting a divorce or wanting to end the relationship.

While I won’t go into detail about the validity of these points,  I do believe everyone deep down knows when the relationship is over! The million dollar question is whether or not you’re able to accept the end?   Everyone marries with the thought of finding their “forever,” intending for their spouse to be their life-long lover and companion but the reality of the matter is – life happens and unfortunately our plan is not always God’s plan.  I, myself have been in this position so I know the feeling of falling in love with someone and it not working out how I envisioned. We think that because our marriage or relationship has been built on respect, friendship, lust, love and/or unity that this is a forever thing. Unfortunately there is a chance that those dynamics will change.  Once there is a breakdown in any one of those dynamics, it’s usually a clear indication that your marriage or relationship is on the verge of falling apart or over. 

So how do you know your marriage or relationship is falling apart and/or over? 

  • Small disagreements often escalate or result in greater arguments or long lasting conflict – disagreements are normal but when they consistently lead to screaming matches and disrespect then some reevaluation is needed
  • The sight or thought of your partner changes your whole entire mood – this is an extreme circumstance but very real and most definitely indicative that the relationship is possibly over  
  • Communication is ineffective, or simply doesn’t exist 
  • The romance has faded and you no longer feel the desire to be intimate or have an interest in making an effort to work on any issues 
  • You feel like you don’t  know who your partner is anymore- you feel like strangers to one another  
  • Infidelity issues can’t be forgiven or overcome 
  • Counseling or therapy is ineffective – one person or both have checked out or given up 

These are only a few signs that your relationship may be on the verge of being over. While they may not necessarily result in the end of your relationship, they are suggestive that there’s trouble in paradise and unless both parties are committed to doing the work the union has come to an end.  

Renee_theblogger_:  The decision to divorce or end a relationship  is often one of the most difficult decisions a mate has to make about the fate of their relationship. More than likely, options, choices and scenarios have already been weighed.  Thus, the decision is  almost often never sudden and  due to reasons that have been brewing for some time… a very long time!

Be Blameless: Own Your Part in the Relationship

The end of my marriage caused me to level up and grow in ways that I didn’t think was possible. It forced me and gave me the opportunity to be real with myself and hold myself accountable. The saying, “it takes two” is real and I understood it more than ever when I was alone and able to sit in my truth. I had to accept the role I played in the way  in which my marriage turned out and even ended. For quite some time I was stuck on the part my ex played and “all the things” he did or didn’t do. What that did was keep me stuck, stuck in a one-sided story! 

As I did the work and invested in my own healing my vision became clear. It allowed me to understand that my ex’s issues were no longer my burden to bear and if I was ever going to be in a healthy relationship in the future I had to first be healthy alone. For me this meant taking ownership and responsibility for my own actions. This process of taking ownership can be messy but in the end it’s so worthwhile. It not only allowed me to understand my faults but also forgive myself for them. When you know better, you do better. I now know my role in specific moments that played out in my marriage; my inability to communicate effectively ( whether it was being argumentative or shutting down all together),  not expressing my needs (settling),  my inability to forgive my ex for past issues (which somehow I often found a way to throw in his face) and criticizing my ex because of this false perception of a man that I wanted him to be (which deep down I knew he couldn’t give me).  

By taking ownership of my role in issues that occurred in my marriage, I had to accept that everyone makes mistakes, including myself.  Although the end of my marriage left me heartbroken, and it took me doing some real work to heal, I’ve always been and I’m still a lover of love. The only difference is that now I’m very clear on the mistakes I don’t ever plan on repeating in the future,  such as deflecting rather than accepting responsibility for my own faults, knowing that all disagreements don’t need to result in arguments (effective communication is key) and my unwillingness to accept misplaced blame ( making excuses for things that were no fault of my own).  

If right now you’re finding yourself in this situation, there’s four key practices that can help improve your relationship but you’ll need to make each apart of daily your routine:

  1. Honesty and self-awareness; understand that it’s not just actions that hurt people, words do as well. Be careful with what you do and say.  
  2. Being proactive rather than reactive; practice acting on the situation in a respectful manner  rather than being reactive and negative. 
  3. Openly and honestly communicate; doing so builds and maintains trust 
  4. Don’t be a grudge holder; know when to forgive yourself and your partner 

Renee_theblogger_: Healing starts with taking responsibility, responsibility for yourself and no longer blaming others. In doing so, you’re snatching your power back to change your life and setting the tone for who you will be as a partner in a healthy relationship.

Signs You’re Not Ready to Date After a Breakup

Fixed heart

I’ve heard the saying many times, “the best way to get over that man or woman is to find a new one” but is this really a long term solution? Breakups can be hard and even harder to heal from but dating or getting into another relationship too soon due to the “quick fix” approach can lead to one or more things; a broken man or woman who hasn’t fully healed repeating patterns of unhealthy behavior, or someone ending up in a rebound relationship and hurting their new partner. Committing to your healing can help you avoid such situations. I instantly knew I was dating too soon after my divorce when that specific person was trying to get me to commit to a more serious relationship. The idea of being wanted, catered to and even treated better than I’ve ever been was amazing, but what he wanted me to reciprocate I knew I couldn’t give, so I decided early on that dating wasn’t something I was ready for.

What most women would long for in a man was right in front of me but I was too broken to receive it. Although I was transparent about where I was on my journey, what I was looking for and what I wasn’t looking for, I’m sure I ended up hurting this person in the process. I had no business dating and made a promise to myself to focus on my healing, rather than breaking someone else’s heart. When we haven’t fully healed after a breakup, we often date to fulfill our feelings of inadequacy or loneliness rather than dating because we truly want to be with the other person.

So how do you know whether or not you’re ready to date? 

Key Signs: 

  1. You feel like you’re being rushed into a commitment that you’re not quite ready for
  2. You feel like you’ve lost yourself; just going with the flow
  3. You have a fear of being single, ending up in situationships
  4. You’re not emotionally available
  5. You constantly compare your ex to the person you’re currently dating or you project the resentment you feel towards your ex onto your new mate
  6. You’re not over your ex; you still have an interest or hope of rekindling that relationship

After my divorce I had to commit to falling in love with myself and embrace my season of singleness. When I initially became a divorcee, not only did I feel lonely, I felt like dating would be a good distraction. That’s just it, it was only a distraction but I quickly recognized this wasn’t a route I wanted to travel. I had to commit to my healing. As I did the work, I became more comfortable with who I was as a single woman.

Don’t ever think that dating right away will help you heal faster, it’ll actually stunt your growth and  the progression of your healing. Usually after a breakup the person who stays single and works on their healing will often be better off, emotionally and mentally. There’s a good chance that you need to unpack some emotional trauma that you’ve gone through in your previous relationship or as a result of it ending. Allow your singleness to liberate you and focus on finding peace.  

Renee_theblogger_:  Healing occurs at different paces and in different stages for every individual after a breakup.  What does hold true for all is that you shouldn’t make  healing fast a goal;  so much so that you lose sight of what’s really important. Get to know and love yourself, practicing this on a daily basis! Without properly healing you’ll end up breaking your own heart and potentially the heart of others. 

Why Expressing Your Needs in a Relationship is Crucial?

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Initially it appeared that Lena Waithe would string us along this entire season of The Chi and we’d never see Keisha reunited with her family. However, within these past few episodes we’ve finally received some resolve. While this was one of the central storylines this season, I am actually more intrigued by Papa and Miesha’s budding teenage romance. One scene in particular captured my attention; it’s the one in which Papa asked Miesha if she would date him. What Miesha followed up with shocked me but also made me smile a big smile! She asked, “what are the requirements?” Papa followed up with what he wanted from her (of course simple things due to their age) but I hope you get where I’m going with this.  Although Miesha is young, as a mother of daughters I was also hoping she would have conveyed the requirements she had for him.  However,  with time and experiences will come wisdom, her desire and the capacity to express what she needs and wants. This conversation they had made me reflect upon reasons why many relationships and marriages fail today. So many women were once Miesha and never learned how to express their needs and wants. 

At one point in my life I was unable to express my needs, especially when I was married to my ex. I was not only unaware of most of them, but I also felt guilty or selfish if I  wanted to express them. Because my ex and I were together for so long,  what I wanted and needed in the beginning of our relationship was not the same towards the end of it. I entered that relationship as a broken  little girl (who had no real meaning of what it meant to be able to communicate my desires) and came out of it an empowered woman.  When I think about the woman I am today, I’m grateful for my journey! I was aging but had not quite grown up, causing me to give all of my power away. It took me loving myself,  and knowing my self-worth to appreciate the empowered woman that I am now. I wouldn’t trade that for anything and I’m no longer afraid or guilty about speaking up. 

While many relationships fail due to differences in priorities, trust  or compatibility issues, oftentimes women and even men are too afraid to be vulnerable and have hard conversations. At some point if we ever expect to be in a healthy and loving relationship we have to be okay with being uncomfortable and having such discussions.  Many people are too afraid of losing their partner and end up sacrificing and losing themselves all for the sake of not speaking up. As adults we have to begin to be okay with being assertive and candidly expressing our needs and desires prior to even committing to the relationship. In doing so, we’re able to discern who is for us and who isn’t. In most cases putting all cards on the table from day one can save us from some unwanted heartbreaks and being in relationships that don’t fulfill us.  Don’t be so quick to settle for safe. Know your needs,  know your wants and express them!  

If you’re unclear about what you need, make a list of your deal breakers, qualities that you value in a mate, what you want out of a relationship and also what you have to offer to your mate (yes, what you bring to the table matters). You should also familiarize yourself with your love language if you have yet discovered it: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/singles-quiz/

Renee_theblogger_:  Don’t be so quick to deny or invalidate your needs in a relationship.  Discover yourself, know yourself and don’t ever be afraid to express yourself! When we commit to expressing our needs in a relationship we’re committing to honoring our happiness and fostering a transparent and  healthy relationship. 

Settling Should Never Be An Option

Why do some people settle?

When we envision what we want in a partner, we often think about and list the qualities that we truly desire in a mate, but how often do you list the qualities that you have to offer, or at least think about them? You may have read that and thought why on Earth do I need to list the qualities I have to offer when I know what I bring to the table? Well it’s simple, knowing your worth and what you bring to the table will help you iron out your deal makers and deal breakers for your desired partner.  So many men and women go through countless failed relationships before they find someone who is genuinely for them because they have not been able to discern between settling and acceptance.  This can often be avoided if we get clear about our deal makers and deal breakers and  how these either compliment or compromise our values. 

Settling versus Acceptance

When we settle in a relationship we go against all of our beliefs and values for the sake of being in a relationship. However, acceptance is understanding that no relationship is perfect but staying in the one you’re in won’t cause you to compromise who you are or cause you harm.  Thus, you know that everyone comes with flaws but the good in your relationship is greater than any flaw  you or your partner has. People settle for various reasons but here’s a few; fear of being alone, worried about your age, pressure from friends or family (to date, get married or start a family), attraction to a specific type and most importantly lack of clarity regarding your self-worth and what you truly deserve! 

Are you ready to do the work?

Once my marriage ended I promised myself that I wouldn’t jump into a relationship for the sake of not being single. I used my time to focus on me and get clear on who I am as a woman. I often have conversations with people who tell me my standards are too high. Well, when you go through a divorce or breakup from a long-lasting relationship your standards should be high, but realistic. Let me repeat that, your standards should be high but realistic! I became clear on what I won’t settle for and what I would accept without compromising myself as a woman, mother, friend or professional. I had to really peel back layers and reveal my true authentic self. 

I had to get to know myself, and work on me. I started fixing my own toxicity, building my self-worth, beliefs and identifying what I value in a mate and what I define as the ideal relationship. I then mapped out what I would be bringing to the table and what I am looking for; in a nutshell I  became very clear on my deal makers and deal breakers ensuring that I won’t ever compromise all the work that I’ve put into the woman I’ve become.  Been there, done that and never going back! If you’re in a season of singleness, use this time to really become clear about who you are, your values and what you truly envision your ideal mate or relationship to be. Be real about what you will not and can not negotiate about just for the sake of being with someone. Always remember that only you are in control of what you accept so settling should never be an option! 

Renee_theblogger_:  Be open to the possibility of love but guard and protect yourself at all costs. Don’t ever settle for a relationship that won’t allow you to be your authentic self.  Remember that it is okay to be single, as being single is making the choice to be you,  unapologetically and without having to settle. 

Great Achievements Involves Taking Greater Risks

Are you still wondering when this will all be over and hoping for things to go back to normal, or should I say back to the way they were before Covid-19? Well newsflash, we can’t go back! I’ll quote myself and say, “When the dust settles and this pandemic is over, things shouldn’t go back to normal. In fact, they should be better! If you’re still doing the same things, haven’t become more self-reflective, and haven’t worked on some goals then perhaps you have not used this time wisely.” Disruption is almost often never accidental, so perhaps the time for change is now. I’m encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone and get out of your own way. Too many times do we pass up on opportunities of being successful because we’re simply in our own way.

Taking risks can ultimately lead to many outcomes,  but here’s the main reasons why you should start now: 

  1. First and foremost, taking risks in your career or business may seem daunting but they can also come with unlimited gains. 
  2. Taking risks will help you to build and exude confidence. 
  3. You can’t achieve your goals by operating out of fear or playing it safe. 
  4. We live and learn- risk taking  can ultimately lead you on a successful path of great leadership and purpose. 
  5. If you’re a parent, what legacy or sustainability are you leaving for your kids? 
  6. Lastly, this may be our new normal so don’t wait, start now! 

While both men and women can experience apprehension at times regarding starting something new, it’s often women who experience the fear of taking risks. There are many reservations which make us fearful of taking risks; fear of failure, fear of other’s opinions, fear related to your age, and simply fear of the unknown! I’m definitely guilty of having all of these feelings at one point. In fact, fear kept me stuck for far too long. However, I had to realize that I have been delivered from some tough situations and still made it through. It is that deliverance that has cleared the path for me to get where I’m supposed to get and be who I am supposed to be. Too many people stay stuck and live their lives bondaged by fear. Don’t be that person, if you’re ever going to grow, just go for it!

Renee_theblogger_: Drop every fear and take your chances. You’ll miss 100 percent of the shots if you don’t take them but you’ll have a better chance at a successful shot if you go for it. You’ll never know how far you can go unless you keep going!

Mending Your Broken Friendship: Is It Worth It?

After catching up on all of the episodes to this past season of Insecure all I can say is Issa Rae, the creator is definitely Black Girl Magic at its best. Each episode this season touched upon a topic that many women like myself can relate to.  While watching each episode so much resonated with me, particularly the idea of knowing when to fix what has been broken or when it’s time to just move on! While Issa and Lawrence’s rekindled romance resonated, Issa and Molly’s broken friendship was what kept me intrigued throughout the season. 

 As a woman who is strongly committed to her friendships and the nature of sisterhood, I understood both  Molly’s and Issa’s perspectives regarding their friendship. However,  I  couldn’t understand why they weren’t fixing it or how it took being hurt by a man for them to finally commit to their sisterhood!  While both have been friends for years and have been there for one another, this season their friendship went through a breakdown in communication, Molly being torn between her  love interest and her friendship with Issa, and simply the notion of growing in different directions.  Their struggles throughout the season truly brought to light the struggles that many women face within their friendships; fights that go unresolved, someone’s feelings being hurt, lack of communication, feelings of resentment and much more. 

  Molly’s and Issa’s issues throughout this season is a reminder to all women that   friends often come into our lives for different reasons and some are only seasonal, but those friendships that are truly  meant to last most certainly will. Ironically, Molly initially didn’t want to fix her friendship with Issa but was willing to go all out for a man who in the end wasn’t willing to do the same for her? Umm!  In a world full of Molly’s and Issa’s it’s often difficult to know which friendships are worth fighting for and which ones you’ve simply outgrown. However, as women it’s important that we respect and value the girlfriend code and build up enough emotional intelligence to fix what has been broken in our friendships or sisterhood.  

Here’s some steps that may aid in in that process: 

  1. First and foremost, make the discernment between whether or not the friendship is worth saving. While all friendships experience rough patches, not all friendships are meant to last, some run their course on purpose! 
  1. If you have in fact decided that your friendship is worth it, work on it by talking and communicating as adults. 
  1. Both parties must be willing to take ownership of the part they played in the breakdown and apologize. 
  1. Commit to getting past your issues and building a stronger friendship.  

Renee_theblogger_:  Women are often too prideful or stubborn, and so easily okay with not fixing true friendships and sisterhood. Don’t be so easily content with  repeating the cycle of unresolved relationships and friendships as doing so can ultimately affect your ability to maintain healthy relationships.

From Bitter to Better: Fixing Your Own Toxicity

By the time my ex and I had decided to divorce I had already mentally and emotionally checked out of the marriage. So for me divorce was  the next thing to do; counseling and talking didn’t work so why stay stuck in an unhappy place? I was good with the idea of an amicable divorce, and starting our next journey of a peaceful, co-parenting friendship. However, once I found out about the infidelity I was not only hurt but I was angry and felt betrayed.  I was ready to make my ex’s life a living hell! I was definitely ready to pull a Jazmine Sullivan and bust the windows out of his car! I felt like I had sacrificed so much for my marriage so he needed to hurt like I hurt. My brain became consumed with so many negative thoughts which ultimately turned into bitterness. 

Even though I wanted my ex to feel the pain I felt, I didn’t realize that the one person I was hurting the most by being bitter was  myself. If there’s any emotion to be feared it’s bitterness; it’s like a drug or a cancer and will eat away at your soul! If you’ve ever been here then I’m sure you know what this feels like. Our hearts are like gardens and the emotions and thoughts we plant will eventually grow and manifest in negative ways.  At one point in all of our lives there will be someone or something that will cause bitterness to take root and grow in our hearts, but until we cut those weeds we’ll only be harming ourselves. 

Whether we like it or not, life happens and unfortunately we are not and can never be responsible for someone’s actions or the trials that life will throw at us. However, what we can control is our own toxicity (yes, being bitter is toxic). We have the power to control how we choose to deal with the trials and the pain inflicted upon us!

Once I became real with myself, and admitted I needed to work on my brokenness, bitterness and toxicity I became much happier, and my blessings started to overflow.

The following helped me, hopefully it can help you too: 

  1. Understand that you’re human, give yourself permission to feel, grow and heal from your hurt and bitterness.  
  1. Know that aside from all the negativity, there’s some great things or great people in your life. Find solace and gratitude in the things or people who are positive entities in your life. 
  1. Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone for self-care or for a much needed reset! 
  1. Understand that not everyone can heal on their own, seek professional help if needed. 
  1. Whenever those negative thoughts or feelings resurface, contemplate on how far you’ve come and make a list of reasons why your healing matters! 

Renee_theblogger_: Bitterness is like a drug or a cancerous tumor. Once it takes root, it will eventually spread like a wildfire and eat away at your soul. As soon as you feel the bitterness spreading, uproot it and sow the seeds of something more positive.

They’re Not Going to Apologize, So What?

At the earliest stages of our lives, we are taught that if we hurt someone or offend them we should say, “I’m sorry.” Saying sorry is a form of an apology, but also the acknowledgement that we have wronged or hurt someone. We were taught this, even if we truly didn’t understand why we were apologizing or whether or not we meant it! As we grow older you would think this gets easier to do but it actually becomes more complex, especially when we never receive the apology that we believe that we deserve. I’m going to be brutally honest and say, if you are waiting for someone to apologize to you then chances are you’re stuck, and will be until you realize they’re not going to apologize! 

Unfortunately the person or people you’re expecting this from may not even realize they’ve hurt you, or may not even care! These are hard truths but coming to terms with these will help you move on from the thought of what you think you deserve. I’ll use myself as an example, although it has been a few years since my ex husband and I separated, I’m still dealing with disrespect in different aspects. While it isn’t blatant, the disrespect is definitely there. Am I tired of it? Do I want to get disrespectful? Yes and yes, but what good would that do? I often hear, I don’t know how you do it, well let me tell you how. 

For me it wasn’t easy. It took a lot of prayer and a lot of guidance but here’s what I had to realize: 

  1. Hurt people often hurt people and I can’t be responsible for anyone else’s actions. I can only be responsible for my own and how I choose to respond (if I choose to at all).
  1. Not everyone has developed the mental or emotional capacity to know or own up to when they’ve wronged or offended someone. This takes growth that for many will take years to develop.
  1. We can not measure our happiness, peace or fulfillment by an apology. Waiting on one will leave you stuck!
  1. While getting that heartfelt apology may be great, what exactly would getting it change? Closure comes from within not a simple apology. Let that sink in for a bit!

Renee_theblogger_:  While getting the apology you think you deserve may give you a temporary feeling of relief, your healing and the feelings you’re harboring is on you!  You may never get the apology you want but use the situation as a lesson and move on. Let it go and make room for your blessings.

I Can’t Keep Calm Because I’m Black!

The year is 2020 but it is definitely mirroring the 1950’s and 1960’s. If you thought for a second that Black people came a long way then you are sadly mistaken. In fact, we aren’t many generations removed since oppression was inflicted on our ancestors. In school we learned all about the beginning of slavery, how it ended and what happened after. However, as I got older and started to educate myself and pay attention to what was happening in the world around me I realized that this country has found other ways to oppress us. My first realization came during the Rodney King trial.  I can remember being an 8 year old girl watching the video over and over of this Black man being pulled out of the car, kicked and repeatedly being beaten. I can remember conversations adults were having about their lack of faith in the system but for me it was a no brainer that these cops were going to jail. When people commit such acts of violence they are punished right? Wrong! Their acquittal taught me my first lesson about racial and economic disparities between our race and others.  I also couldn’t understand why my mother was teaching my brother what to do when he would be stopped by the police, so that he could make it back home alive ( not if he were ever stopped but when).  

Years later this vicious cycle continued to repeat itself, Black men being brutalized, beaten and killed at the hands of authorities taking advantage of power the law has bestowed upon them.  This is a war that’s not only about race but  also about justice that for years and years Black people haven’t received.  You don’t have to get out and protest but your silence at this point is your agreenance with our flawed system.  This system has failed so many ; Sean Bell,  Philando Castile,  Alton Sterling,  Trayvon Martin,  Eric Garner, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and so many more.  Nothing has changed but the year! 

Renee_theblogger_:  Black men and even women have continued to be brutalized and murdered in front of our very own eyes. Enough is enough, and we’re tired! We can’t keep sitting and waiting for justice. Sometimes it has to be demanded, but let’s unite and do it the right way, the smart way!

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